Katelyn

Dec. 22, 1989

What a special day!! A new baby!! Katelyn was born just before Christmas. What an awesome Christmas present! And how fortunate for Del & I to have time off to come and spend time with the new baby, her parents, and older brother. That wonderful bundle of joy! I got to hold her for hours.

That little bundle of joy grew up into a bundle of smiles. She loved her dolls. She loved to play dress-up and dolls with her little sister, and her friends. Just picture her in a frilly hat, a long dress, and mommy's high heels. And carrying a doll! Hours spent in the basement, imagining all kinds of stories and acting out on them.

That little girl grew into a leggy, long-haired teenager. Hormones, moods and all. She even matured out of that stage! Into a beautiful, young, caring woman. When she spoke in her gentle mannered voice, you knew she meant what she said. When she looked at you, you knew she was taking in everything you were telling her.

18 years was too short for us as a family to have this precious girl. We were just starting to imagine what Katelyn would be like as an adult. We were picturing her in the city, attending university. We were imagining what an awesome teacher she would be! We were dreaming about the beautiful babies she would have someday. She had amazing potential. But, you know, that girl did amazing things without anyone realizing it. She didn't need to wait for being grown-up to do great things! She in death, has made us realize that she touched the people around her, and impacted them in many ways we couldn't imagine happening. The countless tributes, the many hugs, the never-ending tears of loss, have been felt everywhere.

Katelyn's spirit is carrying on around us. Have you ever felt as much love and acceptance as the hugs that are being given because of her?? How about the tears and smiles being shared because the connection thru that precious girl?? How about the young women and men in school, inspired to become better students and athletes, because of Katelyn's presence??? Or the adults, who because of a young woman, want to become better people and share of themselves because of what Katelyn shared with them??

So, today, as I think back on Katelyn's short life, and I think back on my visit to Rog and Anita's this morning, I remember a wonderful young woman. A woman who will be missed forever. A woman who has an awesome family, remembering and honoring her. Ty & Kelly, Beth, and Nathan, will always have that sister up in heaven, looking down, and smiling on them. Rog and Anita will always have that special daughter, with the endearing smile, live on in spirit, but better still, she's with Jesus; smiling and dancing with the butterflies in heaven. The many angels in their house-literally, and figuratively-are all a special remembrance of the sweetest angel up there now, for us. I'm sure she is wearing a beautiful outfit-a white gown one day, and jeans the next! :-) Her beautiful, long hair, is waving in the breeze. I'm sure her music is cranked up high, and she's singing along with full gusto!

What a blessing for us as a family to have had that young girl for 18 years. We were blessed and privileged to be able to share in her short life.

The important thing is what do we do with what Katelyn gave us in her short time that God let us have her. Can we take that love and caring and share it with the people we connect with?

I love you, Katelyn!

Surgery is a done deal!

This is home tonight! Back at his games!
Kyle is taking the wonderful post-op photo!

Just before going in for surgery.

Check out Jayde's wonderful Bomber colors outfit!! Brothers, together, waiting for the docs to come in before surgery.

So, I tried to write before the pics, but I'm not taking the time to figure that out! I'm so grateful to be home tonight! What a day! Jayde & I took the Blazer and left for the city at 8 am. We got an hour of shopping in before we were off to the hospital. Del & Kyle left at the same time to do separate shopping and they met us at the hospital. This was all supposed to work out so Del & Kyle could come home tonight, and Jayde & I would have a vehicle in the city to come home whenever he was discharged in the next day or two. But, Jayde's overnight stay at the Hilton, to play Nintendo, were crashed! His doc did such a good job, and all went so well, Jayde was discharged out of the hospital by 530 pm. So, off we went, to Wendy's drive-thru, for a triple burger, fries, and pop. Then to McDonald's for a Rolo McFlurry! Yes, Jayde ate it all. I was fully prepared for him to up chuck on the way home, but it has all stayed down. And we are safely home once again! Yay!!! We get to sleep in our comfy beds tonight! I'm once again so proud of our brave young man. He is a trooper with an awesome attitude!

mid-December thoughts

I don't really know how to start this blog-or end it, for that matter. So much to express, but words don't convey enough at times.
My mom's bone scan results are in-the cancer has metastasized to her bones. Namely, her lt ribs, lt shoulder and upper arm, some vertebrae, and possibly her hip. How's that for a slap in the face???? Yeah, not what you want for results. This news was given on Wednesday, and by Thursday morning, Cancer Care called to get mom in for radiation set-up for that afternoon. Thankfully, Laureen was available and willing to take mom. Not only did they discuss and set-up for radiation, they gave mom 2 shots of radiation. She received treatment to her ribs and shoulder-the areas where she is experiencing pain. The radiation was not given to cure, but was given as a measure for pain control. And as of last night, mom thought it was helping. We think Chemo is now done, as it hasn't done what it was intended to do. Or not enough anyways. Cancer Care is meeting on this today, and will set up final orders regarding all this, but we are leaning towards not bothering with the last treatment of the intended set. Mom felt quite ill with the last one, and we're not sure that its worth it, just to feel horrible. Dad is definitely struggling with the treatment plan. He would like to still try everything possible, understandably so. But, mom is so tired. She is so tired of feeling ill. I think for her the benefits of treatment just don't do enough. It becomes a question of quantity vs. quality.

Jayde's surgery is only 2 sleeps away. He says he is not nervous, and I actually believe him. He wants it over with, and move on! I'm doing ok so far with that plan. Can't make any promises for Wednesday tho. It's so difficult to trust and give up your child when they move on through those heavy OR doors. Yeah, I know he'll be fine! He will be in hospital for 1-2 nights, and I guess he and I will bond during this time. Yes, I still insist on staying with my big boy. He may be taller than I am, but he still needs his mother to look out for him! Or maybe I should say, his mother still needs to feel like she can look out for him! :-)

Jayde's team played their last pre-Christmas game yesterday, and tied. How exciting for them-they finished first in the Interlake. That's a first for that team, and I'm so happy for them. Kyle has a league game tomorrow and a tournament on Saturday. Then he's done till January. I worked my three shifts last week, and I work tonight. A friend, who works casual, is working Tues and Wed for me so I can be with Jayde. Del is wrapping up his busy time at work with the paperwork for pre-orders of seed for next year. I'm so proud of him on his first pre-order season!

Saturday, we were at home. Del and the boys did farming stuff. I got to spend the day in the house-lucky me!! I baked buns and cinnamon rolls. I cleaned and did laundry. I slept in! I sorted and bagged Christmas gifts. And, we had company in the evening! Our favorite, friendly neighbours came for coffee! Wasn't that wonderful!??! We don't do that enough!

So, the question in my mind today is-well there's alot, but this one isn't as deep as some-what's appropriate for Christmas gifting?? When is it enough or not enough? Do children need more stuff? Is it better to spend only $20 on a gift that is only supposed to have that amount spent, but not appropriate for that person, or is it better to spend $30 for a gift that person actually wants or needs?? Everyone's dollar is valuable and stretched to last as long as possible. Why would I want to spend $10 on a shirt that will not last 2 washings, when I could spend $50 on one that will last 10 washings? (I guess I could buy 5 shirts for that amount, eh??) You know what I mean. I want to buy the best gift possible, for the amount allotted, and I want it to be meaningful. Also, will my kids appreciate the gifts they're getting, or is it just a pile of whatever for them?? Hmmm, I guess every parent struggles with what to get their kids.

One week till Katelyn's birthday. How the heck do you help parents get through that first birthday without their child? Especially at this time of year?? What is appropriate to do to honor that day?

Told you. Don't know how to end this post. Too many questions. Too many thoughts. Too many emotions.

Hey, baby, let's go to Vegas..........

I've not disappeared! It's just that there are not enough hours in a day!

Weekend in Vegas-that was interesting! I'll try to keep this short. If you can believe it, I was not nervous for the flight, but I guess I should have been. It started off by not being able to sit together with our cozy group of 5. Del & I got to sit across the aisle from each other, but everyone else was in front or behind, seated separately. How's that for an ominous start??? In the grand scheme of things, I don't think it was a bad flight. The people around us didn't look alarmed at all. But, there's me-wide eyed and stomach in my throat! Palpitations and all! I'm not meant to fly for fun! I'll never forget the look on Andrea's face as she turns in her seat to look at me, and I think our faces mirrored each other. Sheer terror. That turbulence over Denver, Colorado! We did make it to Vegas-Yes, it's safer to fly than drive, I know. As we land, my stomach is trying to find out where it should be. I power up my phone, and 2 minutes later, it rings. Ahhh, the joys of a son who needs to know everyone is ok before he falls asleep. His way of coping since Jayde's accident. So, there' s me, bluffing my way through that conversation-oh, yeah, flight was awesome, all is good, ya-da-ya-da......... drink some hot milk, and go to sleep! (I think it worked for him!) Okay, on to Vegas.......we checked in, we walked, we explored, we ate, we enjoyed the wonderful warm temperatures! Daytime temps of early 20s and nighttime temps of 13/14. Perfect weather!!! We shopped, ate, and walked some more! Del & Mark went on a 2 hr helicopter ride over Vegas, Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon. They had the royal treatment as a limo picked them up and brought them back from the airport. I had said before the trip that I was going on that ride, but needless to say, after the flight to Vegas, I knew that wasn't feasible. I wasn't signing on for another anxiety attack, and take away from Del enjoying the sights! So I enjoyed my time on the ground, and loved looking at the pictures Del took. Awesome!!! It would have been beautiful to see! We left Vegas Monday night-flight left there @ 1130. I was dreading this ride! But that was much better. Even a smooth landing in Winnipeg. It's a difficult thing to leave the balmy temperatures of Vegas only to come home to Winnipeg at -20. Okay, it wasn't that cold here, but it felt like it! Got home, to fall into bed and sleep. We had such a wonderful surprise when we got home-the house was immaculate!!! My wonderful niece had spent Monday tidying and cleaning my disaster. That was such an amazing gift! Thank you Michelle and Alyssa for the child care, chaffeurring and all the other stuff you did for us! And thank you to our awesome friends for the great mini-vacation! It was good to get away!

Back to reality in Barkman land-yes, its work, rink, and more of the same. I worked 3 night last week-a friend offered to work my 4th night. Boys played hockey on the weekend. Kyle had 3 games, Jayde had 4 games in 4 days. I had an Ice Dawgs game. Del is back at work every day. The cattle are getting looked after-its so exciting to see the boys being able to do chores independently!

Mom had her treatment on Wednesday-and she is feeling 'poorly'. She feels quite fatigued and worn out. She put it this way-"if you push me with your finger, I'll fall over". It's been quite challenging for her to be unable to maintain a lifestyle shes accustomed to. She's been the Energizer Bunny all these years, and now she's frustrated with the weakness. Dad is still having some difficulties coping. So tough for him to see his best friend struggling!

I'm gearing up to work the next 3 days. It will go by in a flash. Ice Dawgs game tomorrow evening, Kyle's School Christmas Concert on Thursday evening, and 2 Christmas parties on Friday evening. Yes, these will all be attended after work! Thank goodness for Saturday! And no hockey on Saturday, surprisingly enough! As Del said, "it will be a good work day on the farm"! Oh, YAY!!!

8 sleeps till Jayde's surgery. He is not nervous, and I'm not either, yet! My fingers are crossed for no last minute cancellations. Let's get'er over with!

Today is the day to get out the Christmas Tree. So, I'm off to it-Have a good week!