Mom's obituary

-Mom's obituary, as posted in the Winnipeg Free Press

MARY FRIESEN (published on April 30, 2009)
MARY FRIESEN Peacefully, and with her family surrounding her, Mom went to her eternal Home, on Sunday, April 26, 2009 at the Arborg Hospital. Mary was born February 12, 1941, in Steinbach, Manitoba, to her parents Sam and Agatha Schroeder. At the age of 12, she, along with her siblings, were placed into foster homes. Mary was blessed to be placed into the home of John Barkmans, in Steinbach, Manitoba. It was in this home that her faith was strengthened, and was baptized upon her Christian faith at the age of 14. Mary developed many new friendships in this home, which is how she met the love of her life, Milton Friesen. They were married June 20, 1958, and settled on Milton's parents' land, north of Riverton. In 1963, they established their own piece of paradise, a farm north of Arborg. In August 2000, the move was made from the farm to the town of Arborg, where they lived for six years, until they moved back to Steinbach. One and a half years later, shortly after Mary's diagnosis of bilateral lung cancer in June 2008, the family relocated Mary and Milton back to Arborg, so that they could once again be close to the majority of their children and grandchildren. Mom was known for her giving spirit and her hard work ethic. Mom and Dad volunteered countless hours through missions, as well as teaching school in Texas and Kansas, on more than one occasion. They volunteered through Mennonite Disaster Service (where Mom would always cook for the crews) in North Carolina, Alabama and California. Mom worked out of the home once her children were old enough to be independent, her first job being at Camp Arnes in the kitchen, of course. Her love for cooking has taken her from her first job at Camp Arnes, to the Arborg Hospital kitchen, Seniors Resource Cooking in Arborg, Doreens Restaurant in Riverton, and her last job at MJ's Restaurant in Steinbach. Mom's love for cooking ensured that all company was well fed -no one left their home hungry! And not only did it taste good, but Mom made sure it looked good as well. Mom was an artist at heart. And this was exemplified by her ability to sew, embroider, and paint. Mom sewed numerous blankets for the Church sewing circle group. This last year, Mom had been unable to get out much, but kept busy at home, still contributing by sewing baby blankets from the comforts of the living room sofa. Mom's artistic spirit also came out in the way her yards were developed. Her ability to plan, develop and maintain her many rock gardens, flowers, trees and vegetable gardens was amazing! She had an awesome green thumb, and could get anything to flourish. She spent many back breaking hours, hauling plate rock to develop pathways and flower beds. The vegetable gardens were also seeded so that there was plenty of produce to share with family, friends and neighbors. Mom loved music. She had not been given the opportunity as a child to play an instrument, but she supported her children to play any instrument they could get their hands on. Mom had an amazing singing voice, a gift she passed on to her children. Mom and Dad's home was always filled with music, either homemade, or listening to something being played. Family time before bed was usually spent singing and making music together as a family. Mom and Dad sang together with friends, in church, and in outreach programs in the area. Mary was predeceased by her parents, Samuel and Agatha Schroeder, her sisters, Emily, Gladys, Valerie, and her granddaughter, Katelyn in July 2008. She is survived by her husband of 50 years, Milton; her sons, Roland (Laureen), Roger (Anita), and her daughters, Victoria, and Pat (Del); her grandchildren, Keith (Stacey), Alyssa, Michelle, Stacey, Tyrone (Kelly), Bethany, Nathan, Justin, Jessica, Jayde, and Kyle, and great-grandchildren, Rowan and Bria. Also surviving Mary are her sisters, Doris, Violet (Cliff), Amelia (Bill), Grace (Ben), Sandra (Larry), Rose and Susie; brother Ed; her brother-in-law Ed (Marion); sisters-in-law Sarah (Dave), and Sharon (Leonard) and their families. Also mourning their loss are members of the Barkman family, who lovingly took Mary and accepted her as their own family member, and have continued to love and support her through the years. Viewing will be held at Birchwood Funeral Chapel, 150 Penfeld Drive, Steinbach on Friday, May 1, 2009 at 7:00 p.m. followed by a short service at 7:30 p.m. Funeral Service will be held Saturday, May 2, 2009 at 2:00 p.m. at the Riverton Hall, with viewing one hour prior to the service. Interment to follow at the Mennville Church Cemetery. Pallbearers are the Friesen grandsons, Keith, Tyrone, Justin, Jayde, Kyle and Nathan. In honor of Mary's memory, donations may be made to Mennonite Disaster Service, 306-2265 Pembina Hwy, Winnipeg, MB R3T 5J3. The family is so grateful and appreciative of all the love and support that has been given this last year, during Mom's illness; the many visits and meals have been so helpful. We express our sincere appreciation and thanks to the numerous healthcare members who have been part of the team this last year - Dr. Mokate and Steinbach Hospital staff, Dr. Navarahtnum, Lori, and Cancer Care in Winnipeg; Julie at Gimli Hospital Chemo Department; Arborg Homecare Workers; and Dr. Beukes, and medical and nursing staff at the Arborg Hospital - you are an amazing group of people Thank you! Arrangements by Birchwood Funeral Chapel 1-204-346-1030 or 1-888-454-1030

mom's release

It gives me a great sadness, but an intense relief, to inform people that mom has passed away and entered Heaven's gates. Her suffering is over. She passed away this morning at 1110. She was surrounded by her family. What a way to go! In peace, with the people she loves beside her. She is now singing, gardening, cooking, and visiting with Kate. How fortunate for her.

I'm rather tired tonight, so thats all I'll say, other than her service will be Saturday at 2 pm at the local hall, with the viewing service at 7 on Friday evening at the funeral home.

Peace

this has been a difficult day! I'm writing this from the hospital, where mom is resting peacefully at the present time. Mom has developed a pneumonia in her little patch of non-cancerous lung, and a blood clot is blocking circulation in one of her legs. So, things are detiorating medically. But, mom is at peace. That is such a relief for us as a family. To know she is comfortable is the most important thing! My brothers, sister, dad, spouses, some kids, etc..... spent most of the day and evening at the hospital. Now, everyone else has gone home to get some rest. I imagine tomorrow will be spent doing the same thing-spending time together. Due to moms condition, I had to opt out of taking the palliative care course this weekend. I am disappointed, but reality is, I needed to be here for mom, and the rest of the family. That does come first.

I am going to go stretch out on the recliner beside mom, just in case she needs someone or something.

Some blessings!

Thru every tough time, there are blessings. And I'm going to expand on some of mine tonight. 1) family-yes, when the going gets tough, you either grow closer, or you fall apart. And this family has taken time to get closer. Something about many hours spent at the hospital, together, is making for many bonding moments. 2) Expanded family members-what a wonderful surprise to have a cousin from BC surprise us with her presence!!! Yes, Lucille has flown out and is spending time with us, chatting, cooking, entertaining, and so on. Don't know how long we get to keep her, but its wonderful while we have her! And, my other cousin from the other side, kathi, and her family-well, they just continue to bless us with their support and presence. Its so wonderful to have support like that! 3) Friends-Thank God for good friends! Does that say enough? 4) Wonderful hospital staff-think I'm prejudiced? We have wonderful nursing staff caring for mom. Yes, they're my friends and co-workers, and they are treating mom like she is special, cuz, she is!! 5) Cell phones-isn't it wonderful to be able to communicate easily, almost all the time?? Sometimes you want to stomp on the phone, but generally, its so convenient to be able to connect with the people you want to connect with! 6) Sunshine-the day started out sunny today, and it was awesome! 7) Medication-for control of moms pain and nausea, and everything else. Whatever works, is managing to do a good job.


That list could go on and on. I'm also grateful to be able to be sitting at home, typing this. For a warm, comfy home. ........... on and on.

To top the list tonight, my husband and boys. I love them so much. They are being so supportive and loving!!! I am truly blessed!

I've got to go to bed. Tomorrow will be spent at the hospital with mom, and then I'm signed up for a palliative care course all weekend-to start tomorrow afternoon. So, if moms condition holds, I'm going to try to follow thru and actually attend the course. We'll see how that goes!

Wednesday-ah, mid week-this roller coaster keeps on going!

Mom update-Ct results-confirmed Rt sided stroke with Left sided body weakness/paralysis.
-mom had a stable day today, sleeping off and on, and listening to the action around her. She had company for short periods, including some nieces, who sang for her. It was beautiful.
This evening, I went with the boys to their parent-teacher conferences, that had been rescheduled due to last weeks evacuation. I was quite pleased with both boys efforts in school. No surprises from both of them. They are no artists-have never been, and probably will never be their strong suit!
One of my cousins from BC showed up today, surprising the family! So Wonderful to see her, and she is coming to my house tonight-i think......going to be some awesome visiting coming up. So, Del & I are off to the hospital once again, while the boys clean the house for me. Thank you boys!

quick one

Here we are at the hospital. Mom is resting comfortably in bed. She went for her CT today, but no results until tomorrow at the earliest. She sleeps most of the time, with waking for short periods when roused by being spoken to. Its rather interesting as the family is in the room, but she sleeps on usually. Quiet conversation is good. Family is coming and going.
There's the update for now.

Mom update

Well, this week is off to a different start. To make it short and to the point-my mom has deteriorated over the weekend, resulting in a hospital admission yesterday at noon. She has become lethargic, to the point of sleeping most of the time, and has lost the ability to use the left side of her body. Due to the difficulties of managing this at home, she was hospitalized, and will be recieving comfort care there. She does rouse when spoken to, and does speak in short conversation. Her pain is under control, which is a blessing.
So, now the time seems shorter........ I'll try to update later in the day.

Flood waters

As you can tell, I've not mastered the art of uploading photos in the correct order. And, I'm not taking the time to figure it out. The above photos are taken of the 1)local river, that has caused two towns a great deal of issues, 2) our pasture where noted bull was one day still finding dry ground and the next swimming, 3) the view across the road from our house-Rol's field and shed/yard, and 4) the road on the way to town.

That poor bull-Del & the boys went to rescue it and brought it up to higher ground. Lucille, I thought you might find those pasture pics interesting, as its the drainage ditch field that we talked about the other day.

Yes, this week has brought a quick spring thaw. Beautiful mid-teen temps, has wreaked havoc with overland flooding all throughout the area. Today, tho, things are looking up, as water levels are starting to go down.

It was our turn to bring supper to mom and dads tonight. I actually made a decent meal, and everyone seemed to enjoy it. That is rewarding! I even baked fresh buns! Mom is holding her own. She is managing to move herself between the sofa, the bed, and the bathroom-the most important places in the home!! :-) Dad is ever attentive to her, and they are coping. Yes, the visitors are stopping by, but seem to be considerate of short and sweet visits.

I'm on a few days off of work, and am trying to catch up at home. The boys have been home the last few days. Today was a parent teachers day, and yesterday, school was cancelled due to the flood issue in town. They actually evacuated the schools and some homes, on Wednesday at 330 pm. So, that was my bonus-having the boys at home to help out with some projects.

Have a good weekend everyone-I'm going to find a good book and lay in my comfy/cozy bed.

pictures!!!

Kyle and his friend, Blayze, ready to go play hockey. Love the fact they had to dress up! And they actually enjoyed it too!

The one picture I got of Jayde on his Directors Cup weekend. Dressed in tie and dress shoes, all weekend! I was so proud!

Rog, Me, Mom, and Vicky. Rol had left a few minutes earlier. This was after our Easter Supper at Mom and Dad's house, before we took Grandma back to the hospital.

DAd & Mom

This was when Dad and Mom were both in the hospital. Typical picture-dad putting his feet up on the recliner in Moms room, and watching mom trying to eat.

I feel much better about it after putting it into writing! Beware!

Ah, I'm home. The weather is wonderful-plus 4 and sunshine today. Worked my last night and slept this morning. Off to town I went to take care of some business for my parents. Visited at my parents for a short time, and then I went for a full body massage. Oh, it was awesome!!!! Total relaxation! I could have stayed in that little world for a lot longer! Alas, I did have to get off the massage table and once again enter the real world. Then, I shocked Del by going to wash the Blazer. That thing was camoflouge grey/mud/whatever! Now, we can once again see the navy that it is, and the windows are now visible. Yes, somedays I shock even myself! :-) Back home, and I went for a walk. That was so good-the fresh air and sunshine!! Love the spring season! I have to dream up a healthy supper, and I think I will BBQ sausage and veggies. Fresh buns, from the freezer, and maybe beans from a can. Sounds good??

Anyone who doesn't want to think deeply, please move on to the next site you want to go to. I'm going to talk out some emotion-my kind of therapy.
Some days and some moments I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. Seriously, the subject of alternative medicine is making me sick.......
I'm frustrated. So, we manage to get our mother home, to spend her last days in peace and comfort. To spend time with family and friends. Isn't that what you want when you reach that part of the life cycle? But people just won't let it lie. So many people have life saving solutions, that of course, have worked miracles in other peoples lives, and should of course change my moms as well. Okay, maybe I don't give it all enough credit. Are we not all created to die at some point? I know to lose a loved one is such a sad situation, but it is part of life. To die at 68-yes, thats young. Are we created to live forever? I don't want to be preachy or anything, but don't we actually strive to go to Heaven? Not that we should go out of our way to get there, but God has a plan for all of us, and maybe we shouldn't mess with that too much. Take care of yourself, seek reasonable medical help from people who are qualified and well trained in their fields. But, when the verdict is, it is finished, then what?? When are people supposed to come to terms with their demise, or the demise of people around them? The grief process is difficult and very different for each individual. Everyone copes differently. Some people don't cope. Some very wise person told me a few years ago, that, if a person struggles at dealing with someone elses death, they probably are not comfortable with thinking of their own immortality. And, in my life experience, (short as it is), I've come to agree with that philosophy.
So what to do with all the suggestions for moms miracle recovery? I just don't know. I feel like saying something very impolite, but of course, I'd never do that! :-) Instead, I remind myself this is about mom and what would she want. She has gone on record as being adamant about what she would like or not like done. She does not want to pursue other avenues of treatment. So, how to tell all the well meaning folks, with all the remedies, where to go??? Haven't figured out that answer. I can politely discuss and thank all the people who approach me. But, what about the people who phone or show up at my parents home? They are so vulnerable at this time. My poor father is having enough of a difficult time dealing with this all, without having to decide whether 'he's done enough for mom', or 'what else could we do'.
Maybe I should post another sign along side the 'short visits' sign-one that says, 'leave your pills at home'. Think that would work?
Truly, I so deeply desire for my parents to have a meaningful time together at home. Laugh together, cry together, talk about things never talked about, re-hash old conversations, look at pictures, etc......... Is that simply to much to wish for?

Clarity

You know, i just read over my post and thought I needed to add an addendum to that. I don't think it was clear of how mom is actually doing.
-She is going home tomorrow. Not because she is doing that much better and times are good. This is a discharge home, to go home and see how long she will manage before she will require hospitilization again. Her prognosis is very poor and is not given much time. Her metastasis will not enable her to cope very long. Even tho things aren't good, its so important for mom and dad to have that time together at home. To spend time together in their last home, to say good-byes, to come to terms, to just spend quiet time together-thats important. This time at home may be very short-lived-we don't know how long mom can hang on-but hopefully the time at home will be quality time. So, we are going to take each day as a blessing, each moment together is a gift, that God has decided to give our family. Yeah, some days are going to be easier than others.

I hope that puts some clarity into the situation. Good night!

The Barkman saga continues.

I checked when I posted last, cuz I just couldn't remember! Last Wednesday-it feels like so much has happened since.........
Dad was discharged from the hospital on Thursday. He his feeling much better physically. His CT results came back normal, and so that means its still a mystery of what actually happened. A specialist referral will be going out for him. He has been busy walking the streets of town and visiting mom in hospital.
Mom is still in hospital, soon to be released. We are going to try the great escape tomorrow afternoon. This is a very big venture for mom. She is rather afraid of leaving a safe haven, to go home to cope without all the structure from the hospital to support her. We did a 3 hour pass on Saturday evening, where mom went home for supper. This went very well. So, we can only try, and see how it goes. There is a fear from mom and the rest of the family, that she will be swamped with company, that might not be able to limit their visits to what will be manageable for mom. She tires so easily, that what may seem like a short time to visitors, may seem like a long time to mom. And, she doesn't give in to laying down or resting while company is there. Always wanting to please and entertain! Not that she's entertaining. But, dad does still want to entertain. I reminded them tonight that fortunately for them, they live a 2 minute walk from a couple of restaurants-so that if mom isn't up to the company, dad can always take his company for coffee and his extended home-Chicken Chef. :-) Mom's pain is under control, and the nausea is much less as well. A couple changes in her meds have helped her alot. So, we shall see what tomorrow brings!
Hockey-hmmm, Kyle played 4 0n 4 tonight. Again on Wednesday. Jayde received a phone invitation last night to try out for a spring hockey team-so, he's off to the rink on WEdnesday night as well.
Del-working and babysitting his cows.
Me-working, driving, and I don't know what else. Just whatever comes my way.
We had a Friesen family get together on Saturday, for supper. A pre Easter meal. It was so good to spend time together. Most of the family was out, and we actually met at mom and dads house. Initially I had thought we would just meet at the hospital, but then it worked out to take mom on a pass, and it was good to be together at their house. That way it was more comfortable for everyone. (If I ever get 2 minutes where I might have time to post pics, I might, but I don't know when that will happen. ) Kathi & Gerald, and their girls came out Saturday evening, till sunday evening. spent it relaxing at our house. It was so nice. Played games, visited, ate, and played more games. I had a wonderful game at 'Settlers of Catan'-I kicked everyones butt!!! And Monopoly-well, I lost big time. I spent all game landing on chance. Awfully hard to buy land from the chance squares! Had a great time!!! I'm also reading a good mystery novel. Love a good book! Have I told you I started crocheting this Christmas?? I have crocheted myself a wonderful black hat, and now I'm working on an afgan. Don't laugh!! It's not that I'm very good at this, but it gives me something to do. I knew I would need something to do with my hands when mom was ill, cuz sometimes you just need to sit, even tho you don't feel like it! I might finish that afgan by the time I have grandkids-maybe!
Work-yes, I'm still working full-time, plus. We are still short staffed here. Some days are rather desperate! Why is no one interested in nursing in a rural facility? The rapport between staff is so much tighter here than an urban facility. Life long friendships are built on night shifts!
Weather-today was sunny with +2 temperatures. Finally. It was so nice to see the sun. There is alot of snow that has to melt. Its rather daunting to imagine how much moisture has to disappear before fieldwork can begin! But, they say double digits by the weekend. I can hardly wait!
So, tomorrow, I'm going to sleep till noon. Please don't phone me! Then, I'm going to get ready and go to town and pack up mom and take her home. Need to organize her into her space. Get her meds organized. And cook something healthy and good for mom and dad for supper. Dad is supposed to eat a low fat diet, with his issues. And no salt, cuz his blood pressure is up. So, no gravy and a low sodium diet it is. That means he will need to cut down on his take out food. He really misses his salt shaker! I tell you, when mom gets her meals at the hospital, he eyes her little salt packages, and he drools!! Anyway, a bland and healthy supper it will be!
I'm going to go check if my patients are sleeping, and not on the floor for some reason! Hope you're all having an awesome sleep!

Another day down at work.

Yes, I worked today, and my parents were my patients. What an unusual feeling! Dad is looking good, and probably going home tomorrow. Still waiting for CT results. Mom had a good day. She actually was up for a couple of walks today. We will certainly take the good days as a blessing!
I work the next two days, as well. It's good to be close to them.

Monday, I spent trying to catch up with laundry, cleaning, and routine home stuff. I also went to town at lunch and met the oxygen guy at mom and dads house. Oxygen is set up for the time that mom is ready to go home. After that, I went and hung out at the hospital with mom and dad. Then quickly home to get Kyle off to the city for his hockey. He is now just in his 4 on 4 team. It works out to twice a week, of skate, skate, skate. Fortunately, Andrea offered to take Kyle along, and freed me to do stuff at home.
Tuesday, the boys and I spent at home, while Del worked. (No spring break for him!!) We baked, laundry, cleaned, checked cattle........on and on....... The boys each made a dessert. We even made real meals. Broccoli/Cauliflower cheese soup for lunch, and baked mac'n cheese, parmesan chicken, and stir fry veggies for supper. Hungry yet??? Homemade cinnamon rolls anyone?? Kyle made some kind of strawberry jello dessert, and Jayde made chocolate pudding-from scratch. Wonderful!!!!!! Even washed Jayde's hockey equipment today. EWWW that was quite the odor!

Had a couple of calves today, apparently. So far, so good. girls outweighing the boys. don't know how that works like that.

I'm listening to my boys playing baseball on the Wii. Getting loud and rambunctious!! So good to hear happy sounds! Love it!
I'm off to be lazy and imagine my next few days.. .......enjoy my moments of down time!
Oh, yeah, how about the weather????!!!! What can I say???? :-(