R & R

Spent the last week in Vegas with my wonderful spouse and some friends. A week of hanging out with various people, relaxing, eating good food, sight-seeing, walking the strip, shopping, and generally escaping from reality. It's so good to take a time out sometimes and recharge the battery!

To finish up my thoughts on the subject

To add to last nights schpeel...as my thoughts on that subject continue..

-grief is a mourning of an actual loss, a perceived loss, or even of the potential of something that could have been.

This has made me think of when Katelyn passed on. We grieved our actual loss of a precious girl; we continue to grieve what could have been. Her friends are in university, are working, maintaining relationships, having children-and we think of what could have been.

To take this one step further....i will try to put into words what Roger's accident has implicated for us. We are so grateful that Rog survived, but in that, we grieve for the loss of life as we knew it. Rog is trying to emotionally come to terms, many times a day, of his loss of independence, and his ability to take care of himself and the people around him. We as a family are having to cope with changes in how we deal with him, care for him, and also try to give his as much independence as possible. We as a whole, in the back of our minds, are coping with the fear of what is to come. Yup, i said it. Everyone is thinking it and afraid to voice it-we are so afraid of the unknown. We all face unknowns daily, but we are worrying about it ahead of time, and now we are having to plan ahead for the future. Rog is improving, don't get me wrong. Thats the struggle with traumatic brain injury....there is no way to predict the outcomes-and we shall see where this road goes. The wonderful people at Rehab have encouraged us-yes, this was a severe head injury, but Rog had tremendous things going for him in the big picture-he is a very healthy and active mid-age male, with amazing family support, who has made tremendous positive strides in a very short time. So with that in mind, we work together as a family, friends, and a community-teamwork-to reach towards a goal of Rog once again becoming an independent and coping adult.

Those of you wishing an update on my dads medical issues-the AAA is holding its own, and his BP is maintaining at a good place. The pituitary tumor, assumed to be non-malignant, based on hormone/blood levels, is going to be treated with oral medication at this time, and hopefully within a few months we shall notice a shrinkage of that.

I feel like i just charted on a pt's chart.

Time to do some quick housework, mtg with Rog's rehab team, and then off to a hockey game-gonna be a GOOD day!

yup, i did it

DISCLAIMER...haven't written in awhile, and will not be held responsible for what may come of this. Yeah right. It's interesting to think that way as when i write, i usually don't go back to read what i've written; but i'm thinking i shall today. See how far i get!

I think back to whats happened in our lives since oct. You really want to know?? Wellll...i thought about this the other day, and i concluded that i really, really, really want to lead a boring life for a little while at least. Here i go-Kyle fractured his arm in hockey, Jayde sustained a concussion 2 weeks before Christmas(yes, from hockey), we've attended a Paul Brandt concert(fabulous), attended a Doc Walker concert(another fabulous), my dad fell asleep at the wheel and totalled his car(he walked away!), I had Christmas off and got to spend it with family(YES!), work continues to be crazy busy, Del has agreed to help coach the boys hockey team, and Rog has continued to improve and was discharged from in patient Rehab 1o days ago. Rog has come so far in his uphill journey of recovery. Physically, his stamina, balance, and strength are improving very quickly! Cognitively seems to be the area which will need the more constant therapy. He is having some issues with night dreams/hallucinations/nightmares, along with some difficulty associating with certain people/personalities, at different times of the day, or depending on his feeling at that moment. We are in process of setting up regular speech, occupational, and physical therapy, at home, and as an out patient, probably requiring a drive into the city when needed. A long road ahead, and some days will certainly be easier than others; positivity and patience will be rewarded.

So when i suggest a request for calm, quiet, and boring...i hope you understand-I'm not complaining, i'm simply ready for predictable and safe!!

Have put alot of thought into grief in the last while. When lives are put on the line, and lives change in a blink-makes you re-evaluate the why's and where's of life. Grief can be exhibited in so many different ways, and for many different reasons. Short list of observation i've watched-let me say i love to watch and theorize, and i am not referring to anyone specifically-teenagers growing up and having to make adult decisions with lifelong ramifications, relationships with ups and downs...some fall apart completely...resulting into permanent break-ups, loss of health, loss of life, loss of a loved one, loss of the ability to be independent, loss of money, adjusting to different job situations, lost job opportunities-this list could go on and on. Loss, whether actual or perceived, can result in a person having to find a way to cope. And people are certainly equipped differently in the coping department. Also interesting is how 'strong' people, who are amazing in 'big' loss situations, can struggle in 'small' losses. My thought on what is a real or perceived loss is also different than what someone else may think. Stages of dealing with a loss, ie grief, has so many stages-and we go back and forth between them. And we all do grieve-some just don't want to admit it, or maybe don't realize it-i don't know.

Where am i going with this??? Good question. Not sure, other than to say that when i evaluate my last 6 months, i then have to assess how i've coped with whats come my way. Some days are not as easy to get thru as others. I admit, that some days i want to take my family on a jet plane and fly off to some deserted island, and hide out for a bit-away from all responsibility. Then i come back to reality and carry on. I guess thats how i cope sometimes. Somedays, i read a book, play some form of solitaire on the computer, go to work, cook, have a nap, have a good chat with a friend, or a good cry with a friend(12 hr night shift @ 5 am is notorious for this behavior), watch a tv show(anyone watch Reba??? I love that show!), or even clean the bathroom(not my favorite chore!).

Last week we bought a used pool table, recovered it, and are having a wonderful time playing pool!!! Family time at its best!!

And, then i stop and count my blessings....so many really........ to put that into perspective...anyone watching the news this last week is reminded when we listen to the updates on the Ontario family of women that was killed, or the poor man in Wpg, whose family perished from smoke inhalation, ....my life is a walk in the park when i listen to that!!!

Back to my blessings....love, love, love my husband and sons!!! They are the best!!!! I have a place of employment-haha-yes, i have to appreciate that i have a job that will probably always have work for me. Extended family and friends that are supportive and encouraging! Warm house to live in, food in the freezer, running water, hydro, able to write and read.....you know that the majority of people in the world don't have the above, and we take it all for granted!

Thats my story for today.....thanks for listening!