Emotions...

Yes, its another evening drawing to a close...... I've worked the last two days, and I'm working again tomorrow. Work has been quite the circus lately! Between lack of MDs, vacation schedules, short on nursing staff, on call duties, covering another facilities pt base, and just general 'stuff', each day/night at work brings new adventure! I'm so grateful for the people I work with during my shifts. I have wonderful co-workers, and the team effort that everyone puts out, makes each shift possible. I didn't say we always get it all done, or do what we would like-but we do what we have to. Rural nursing is all about coping with the workload you get, the supplies you have at the moment, and the challenge of juggling all the aspects of surprises you get in working a small town hospital/ER situation! I've often said-All city/urban/large hospitals MDs and Nurses, should be required to work a stint in a small rural hospital at some point in their careers. Theres something about no patient assignments, dealing with everyone/everything at once, a revolving front door, a revolving staff door, coping with management and politics, and then answering the phone-this combines to make for some tense, crazy, and humorous moments! And, you also get to know your co-workers well-b/c at 5 am, everyone spills their guts at some point. Everyone becomes vulnerable dealing with certain medical situations! You respect each other for being different, and you rely on each other for everything! It's one happy family-some days! =)
So, a 12 hr day tomorrow, and then its the weekend. And at our house, you know it means hockey. There are 7 games to be played between the boys this weekend. And one game to be reffed! In four different towns, at different times! It's a good thing the boys love the sport, and its a good thing mom and dad love the sport, and love the boys even more!!!
So, i've put off posting all week, because i've been thinking! I told a close friend of mine that we were downsizing the farm. He asked me how that made me feel, and I had to answer honestly! Anyone who knows me, knows I'm an emotional nut job! Anyone who shows any amount of genuine caring, is usually in for my glassy looking eyes-yes, I can cry quite easily. I thought I pulled myself together quite well. No I did not give into tears. But I did have to admit that there were mixed emotions! I've struggled/dealt with a roller coaster of emotions regarding this farming operation. Anger-at the system, frustration-at the system...., happiness-at the prospect of 'free' time, relief-maybe, less stress, ........ and on and on it goes, like a swinging pendulum! I even had a positive gardening thought the other day! I entertained the thought of putting in a garden this year! We'll see. For information purposes, we are selling the cows/bulls, cutting back on feeders, cutting back on grainland, and Del will be freed up to work full-time, and try to catch up on this ridiculous mess farming has created for us. A free weekend in summer to camp, that sounds so wonderful!!! It's sad in a way-the boys are getting to an age where they are starting to show an interest in what we're doing on the farm, and have been helping out. Actually, they've had to help out alot on the farm/yard/house, in the last few years. It's good for them to have to know its good to work to earn a living, but it seems to be a little overdone, when thats all people expect you to do when you farm. I've often wondered why the boys would even consider farming, if they watched us farm. Long hours, endless fixing, bills,... unpredictable weather, with no guaranteed at the end of the year for all the labour! Why sign on for that?? for fun???? NOT!!! I've loved farming- I grew up on a farm. I've now 'farmed' for 35 years. It's tough to think of letting go! I love working with cattle, I enjoy running the machinery, I love working with Del-sometimes! But, in this day and age, farming is not made for the regular farmer, trying to farm on his own, paying his own way for land and machinery, on the income and expenses incurred/required. so, decisions have to be made, business decisions! Easier said than done, isn't it??? So, there's relief. Because, I'm looking forward to working on the yard with my boys & Husband! I'm looking forward to evening drives again, without worrying about 'should I be in the field?" I'm looking forward to spending more time with family and friends. I'm looking forward to wiener roasts in the back yard, with the mosquitoes. The list goes on....no, I'm not whining. I'm counting my blessings.
I love my husband. I love my boys. I love my family. I love my friends. God has blessed me with a wonderful family. I have the best friends,ever!!! In the end, its not about money, or what you have, or where you've been. It's about the time you've spent with people, serving others, connecting with others. Spending time with family, friends, making people feel special!
Yeah, I do love all of you!!
Enough said??? I'm logging off, I do need to sleep for a couple hours before I head to work in the morning-the circus as it probably will be!
Have a good weekend everyone!