Maybe its the hormones or something. But, seriously, I don't like good-byes. I don't like saying good-bye, and I don't like watching someone else having to say good-bye. This isn't about saying good-bye to death, its about just parting ways in regular everyday activities. I've always had a hang up about this. But, I thought I was getting better at this. Until the other day-I can't even remember exactly where we were. I was with Del and the boys and I think we were walking in the mall or something. And I watched people hugging each other, obviously parting ways. Looked like they must have spent some vacation time together and had to go home to different parts. And wouldn't you know it but I walk away with teary, reddened eyes. Jayde, of course, notices me sniffing and asks me whats wrong. And I reply to him, "you know me-any reason to cry!" What else can I say??!! I'd rather avoid a farewell gathering, and not say good bye, than have to go through the emotions-especially in public. I'm a mess with that!!! It doesn't help that if I see someone else tear up, my eyes instantly follow suit and tear along as well! I've tried to assess and diagnose, and figure out where this comes from. Maybe some crazy parting when I was two??? Someone left me behind?? I don't think its anything like this. Unless someone hasn't told me something. :-) Just a sidenote-I've been this sickening since young-When I had surgery at the age of 2, and longterm hospitalization was necessary, apparently I didn't take too well to staying there alone, as well. I admit it. I don't even like saying good bye to my kids or husband, even for a night or two. I'm a sucker for the people i'm close to. My saying is 'If I choose to like you, I love you a whole lot!!' I've been proud of me tho.......i've gotten much better at letting my kids go. I've managed fine with them going to friends houses and such. And I know they'll be fine where they are, cuz I wouldn't leave them somewhere that I'd worry about. It's just that act of saying good-bye, and then leaving.
Don't know how I should finish this post, as I don't know of a great solution or ending to this. I know of others who have this kind of problem, and they seem stable and fine to me. So maybe thats my consolation-I'm not as nuts as I think I am. I do cope with good-byes, and I do say good-bye when it necessitates. But, my emotions on my sleeve gets a little tiring! Reminds me of the Rascal Flatts song.
Or maybe I take the Bible verse literally-laugh with those who laugh, and weep with those who weep. I can do that. Maybe its empathy......caring.......love........craziness...........friendship.......hormones.........lack of sleep...........
Del, the boys, and I are off camping once again. I better clean the house before I go. Cook some real macaroni salad. Throw some clothes in the camper. Hope you're enjoying this summer! Make the best of it. Make the best of the time you're given!
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